Monroe Blvd

I was driving my inconspicuous superhero car (i.e. piece of junk) down the frosted Monroe Blvd when I came across a particular looking white van with a crest painted on the side of a large creature waltzing with a round shadow of a figure. I pulled up to the stoplight and saw Hank in the driver's seat wearing his Prada sunglasses. This was serious. I looked away, hoping he wouldn't see me, but when I looked back he was already getting out of the car. I slammed on the gas, hitting a goose on my way past the antique shops. I checked my rear view mirror and Hank was hanging onto the bumper of my car, his mouth filled with asphalt. Behind him was Mr. Flup in the van giving me the finger. The road merged and I narrowly missed a stroller as I came to the antique jewelry shop on the corner of Elm St. Outside, a black cloaked figure stood selling cologne and gold chains at a reduced price. I recognized him, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it... CBG fans, please help! Where did I meet this man? And what was he doing in the middle of my car chase scene?

AIM, part 1

sharkattack518: hey
jkforever2000: hey
sharkattack518: I'm out of beer
jkforever2000: I'm sorry
sharkattack518: and my fish died
jkforever2000: oh
sharkattack518: and my heaters are broken. I'm freezing
sharkattack518: and I can't stop eating
sharkattack518: and my mom's in the hospital
jkforever2000: oh
sharkattack518: every time I sit on a chair, it breaks
sharkattack518: and every time I put up a bird's nest, it falls
sharkattack518: I feel like I'm choking
sharkattack518: please help
cigburngurl123: burn

Homework

Dear Cigarette Burn Girl,
I am ashamed of myself. All of my assignments have frowny faces on them.
Yours Truly,
Trixy

CBG works in mysterious ways

His fingernails were peeling off like he was made of clay. The river had white peaks; the red swan was perched on a can of Coke. His tall friend was dreaming of unrest beside him.  It had been a perfect picnic, but the fireworks were too close and fell on them, leaving smoldering marks on their skin.

The man's face was coming apart like an artichoke hart. The river was dark like a mood ring; The tall boy looked up. "It's just what we needed," he said, blowing softly on the holes in his skin, which were still smoking. "CBG, you and me, forever....."

More About Mr. Flup

It is always awkward running into Mr. Flup at the liquor store. Without Hank, he doesn't pretend like he can beat me. I realized as soon as I saw Mr. Flup that he was wearing a new tie. He must have been uninvited to a party. He coughed at me but it was only because he had a nasal drip. Then he winced because he just recently had a root canal. I know because we go to the same dentist.

Little Bits

Dear Cigarette Burn Girl,
Johnny made fun of my bad dandruff today. I think I like him. Please help me.
Yours truly,
Stephanie

IS

She is wearing earrings. She is in the waiting room and she is wearing earrings.
She is eating tofu. She is in the changing room and she is eating tofu. She is wearing a gown.
She is sweating between her legs. She is putting on plastic socks and sweating.
She is getting her head glued down. She has her period and she is breathing quickly.
She is joking and she doesn't mean to be joking but she is joking.
She is tucked in like a duck's nest and she is rolling. She is a duck and she is being rolled.
She is waking. She is WAKING AND SHE IS WAKING UP AND SHE IS